Part 1: Why We Chase Happiness Instead of Healing
Episode Summary
Most of us spend our lives trying to avoid grief.
We distract ourselves with work, achievement, perfectionism, caretaking, or simply staying busy. But what if those behaviors aren't personality traits at all? What if they're attempts to protect ourselves from emotions we've never learned to experience safely?
In this first installment of a two-part conversation, Jen welcomes licensed psychotherapist Michelle DeCola to explore the hidden role grief plays in our lives—not just after death, but throughout every significant transition we experience.
Drawing on decades of clinical experience, Michelle explains why our culture is "grief-phobic," how childhood experiences shape our coping mechanisms, and why curiosity is often more powerful than self-criticism when it comes to healing.
In This Episode
Why grief extends far beyond the loss of a loved one.
How unprocessed grief influences careers, relationships, and identity.
The surprising connection between perfectionism and emotional pain.
Why high achievers often use work to avoid vulnerability.
How childhood coping strategies continue to shape adult behavior.
Why people-pleasing and achievement can become emotional survival strategies.
The role shame plays in keeping us emotionally stuck.
Why feeling your emotions isn't weakness—it's resilience.
How safe relationships become the foundation for healing.
Why curiosity is more transformative than judgment.
Key Takeaways
Grief is a natural response to any meaningful loss—not just death.
Many of the ways we cope as adults are rooted in childhood attempts to create safety.
Achievement, perfectionism, and people-pleasing can become sophisticated ways of avoiding painful emotions.
Healing doesn't begin by fixing yourself; it begins by getting curious about yourself.
The goal isn't to eliminate grief—it's to make room for the full range of human emotions so you can move through life with greater authenticity, connection, and freedom.
The quality of our lives isn't determined by how successfully we avoid grief—it's determined by how willing we are to experience it.
About Michelle DeCola
Michelle DeCola is a licensed psychotherapist and Founder of Life Counseling, Inc. With more than three decades of experience, she specializes in psychodynamic therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness, family systems, attachment theory, and positive psychology. Michelle helps individuals and couples better understand themselves, strengthen relationships, and navigate life's most difficult transitions with greater self-awareness and compassion.
Learn more about Michelle's work:
https://lifecounselinginc.com/
