Part 2: Moving Forward After Grief
Episode Summary
What if the solution to your grief isn’t about working harder?
For high achievers, grief can be especially difficult because we're often accustomed to solving problems, setting goals, and pushing through discomfort. But grief doesn't work that way.
In Part 2 of this conversation, Jen McDowell and therapist Michelle DeCola explore what happens when we stop judging ourselves for how long grief is taking and start approaching it with curiosity, compassion, and trust.
In This Episode
Why asking "Why can't I just move on?" may actually be a form of self-judgment.
How to tell the difference between honoring your grief and being stuck in it.
Why shame and self-blame can prolong grief and keep us from moving forward.
How our bodies can sometimes recognize and hold emotions before our minds do.
Why grief can sometimes become a way of protecting ourselves from the uncertainty of what's next.
How self-compassion changes the way we experience difficult emotions.
Why rebuilding self-trust after loss often starts with small steps rather than a dramatic leap.
How to take healthy risks when you're ready to begin creating a new chapter.
Why "getting over" grief isn't necessarily the goal.
What to say—and what not to say—to someone who is grieving.
Why asking someone to talk about the person or thing they've lost can actually help rather than hurt.
Why sometimes the most powerful thing you can offer someone in grief is simply your presence.
How acceptance and hope can coexist with pain.
Key Takeaways
Grief doesn't have a deadline.
There isn't one correct timeline for processing a loss. Difficult emotions can return even after moments of happiness or relief.
Compassion comes before correction.
Instead of judging ourselves for being sad, angry, scared, or stuck, we can begin by acknowledging that something difficult has happened.
Shame can keep us stuck.
When loss becomes evidence that we're not good enough, that we failed, or that we should have done something differently, grief can become tangled with self-blame.
Trust is rebuilt through action.
After a major loss or difficult transition, self-trust may not return all at once. Taking small, manageable risks can help us learn that we can navigate uncertainty and support ourselves along the way.
You don't have to fix someone else's grief.
Sometimes showing up, acknowledging the loss, asking about the person or relationship that mattered, or simply sitting beside someone is more meaningful than finding the "right" thing to say.
About Michelle DeCola
Michelle DeCola is a licensed psychotherapist and Founder of Life Counseling, Inc. With more than three decades of experience, she specializes in psychodynamic therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, mindfulness, family systems, attachment theory, and positive psychology. Michelle helps individuals and couples better understand themselves, strengthen relationships, and navigate life's most difficult transitions with greater self-awareness and compassion.
Learn more about Michelle's work:
https://lifecounselinginc.com/
Listen to Part 1
This episode is Part 2 of a two-part conversation. You can listen to the episodes in either order. Part 1 focuses more heavily on understanding grief and the protective strategies we develop around difficult emotions; Part 2 moves into what it can look like to process grief, get unstuck, rebuild self-trust, and move forward.
Together, they offer a fuller conversation about grief, resilience, healing, and what it means to create a life after loss.
